I don't think people are confused as to why you have abused people. I think people are confused as to why you seem to not understand that your abusive behaviors are more definitive to other people that may be afraid to be around you than your race / gender. People can be afraid of you for that reason separate from your race / gender. You seem to think otherwise, and that's your prerogative, but please try to understand this.

i never claimed that my race and gender made people ‘afraid’ of me (although the extent to which that is true, and has happened, is certainly not negligible)

i think what i was getting at is that my time in the community, and i guess like…on this earth, has clouded my perception of an abuser/victim dichotomy

still, the way i have approached this particular situation, talking about this topic publicly, has been fueled largely by impatience. i’ve cared less about where these words are coming from and more that they’re being said at all. that’s not an effective way to do whatever i think i’m doing. this blog is now not a space for my opinions, no matter how important i might think they are.

a selfish wish of mine was to expose every single way this community has victimized me; that’s not relevant right now

perhaps all i can resign to is this:

that i have very much been abusive, to numerous people. you need to stand with the victims

and that this ‘safe space’ was never safe for me as a person of color. that is something for you to ponder, and something i don’t feel is ridiculous to point out.

i wish i never turned to abuse. i sincerely apologize for the pain i’ve caused.

i’m going to do everything i can to respect the privacy and space
of this community and my victims. i can’t be sorry that while i attempt to exit homelessness i take up any space at all in this city. i don’t want to be here. i’m doing what i can.


I can now definitively say that if Joseph asfoury knows you and knows she makes you uncomfortable, she will not hesitate to approach you and attempt to talk to you. as far as I can tell she is staying at or often visiting Outside In, a queer and homeless resource center on sw 13 avenue. I would advise against going to outside in for any reason.

i stood up and made myself noticeable

i knew if you saw me sitting there you would have left anyway. so i stood up. out of courtesy for you, i told you i was there.

im not interested in playing this game


#josephasfoury #rape talk kind of. joseph is terrifying and i hate her so fucking much for a lot of reasons but right now im stuck on her not taking the PLANE TICKET SHE WAS GIVEN  away from the city where at least 3 people she victimized live

back in november i moved from los angeles to portland oregon

i didn’t move here for fun

i was escaping an abusive living situation

the ticket that was bought for me, without consulting me, was from pdx to lax

this city does not belong to the people i victimized. i am allowed to be here. i am allowed to take up space. wrap your head around that

i had to choose between being homeless and sleeping at shelters in portland, and going back to los angeles to live in a place that was incredibly jeapordizing to my mental health

it was a tough decision, but i decided i wanted to establish independence somewhere for the first time. and that’s what i’ve been doing

and my previous post doesn’t even mention the fact that i HAVE been raped and sexually assaulted and emotionally manipulated fuuuuck

i know what the fuck im talking about

i just want to make the observation that all your reactions make sense. i predicted them in my posts, which lots of have people have implied are nonsensical or off-base

my posts are neither of those things

never did i imply that my race or gender negate the fact that i abused people

in fact, i made a very conscious, linguistic effort to say the opposite

my abuse and my victimization are not these two things that exist in isolated of each other

again, that does not justify my abuse.

do i have to repeat that? sure. it does not justify my abuse. it doesn’t. i understand that, y’all are trying to tell me things i already know.

but let me explain this:

i was just unlawfully fired from my job.

while on the job i was accused of stealing from the cash register and my hours were repeatedly cut for things out of my control

compensation that should be given to what an employer viewed as a “full human” was never given to me

every time i brought up how being accused of stealing money made me feel weird to my manager, or how the white supremacist rhetoric of my coworker made me frustrated, i was repatedly and consciously dismissed, over and over again

my experience at work was littered with small moments of queer phobia. the one time i wore face make up at the register, people would stare at me uncomfortablly, so i stopped.

i stood up to my employer until they tried to unreasonably send me home when i had 10 more hours scheduled to work (they know im homeless and need the money and that my getting into transitional housing is contingent upon my having a job) and, even when i asked a question that i should never have had to ask (“if i keep working here right now, will you fire me?”), and even though she assured me that no, she wouldn’t fire me for staying here to work,

she fired me 5 minutes later

and then she called the police

what i am TRYING to tell you is that my world is so incredibly different from yours, and always has been

what you’re trying to tell me is that living a life of being consistently dehumanized and demonized played no part in my learning of abusive behaviors

i’m not wrong about this. there are no isolated incidents.

all i can ask is for you to try to understand. for some reason i still want you to understand. some part of me still wants to get thru to members of this community. i’m not sure why

but i find myself here. i have something to say. i wont be silenced

also just another reminder that i’m a trans girl and that i prefer feminine pronouns. ive said it before but i mean people aren’t here to hear me out. i at least want that to be known

ive said all ive needed to say

well maybe if black people weren’t so mean white people wouldnt have enslaved them :)

You reaaaaallly need to stop playing the victim in every situation of your life. Adam was scared because you sexually abused friends of his. You used to be friends with him, and now you're saying he's a racist, which you know is not true. I applaud you for owning up to your actions, but you can't counteract that with the fact that you were sexually abused as well. That doesn't make what you did okay.



ahaha man. ok. lets get real for a sec

ive repeatedly said the ways i have been victimized does not justify the ways i have been abusive.

right? right. you know this. i know this.

ok. and similarly, the ways i have been abusive absolutely do not justify the ways i have been victimized

acknowledging that does not deflect from my behavior

and in any case, adam robertson not racist? haha fuck dude like

adam isnt racist like 2+2 isnt 4

adam isnt racist like i am not homeless

adam isnt racist like i am not a person of color

i know more about this than you do. i know thats hard to accept. but i do

that’s all

youre homeless because you got kicked out by your friends because you’re a rapist shut the fuck up you subhuman piece of garbage and stop fucking talking like anyone cares about a word you have to say. if you had an ounce of respect for the people whos lives you’ve ruined you’d disappear off of this website and you know what while were at it the globe

"it’s ok people of color are subjugated because sometimes they hurt people"

You sound just like hitler tbh


i’m on a different plane

for a second there I honestly thought you were trying to bring people's attention to someone who abused you but from your posts its very clear that that's not your aim at all. Your disdain for white people should not reach to the point that you don't care that one is terrified by you because you abused their friends. In what line of logic is that ok?

i just want to ask why you at all feel compelled to comment on my….

””“”disdain”“”” for white people

none of my words have been disdainful. none of them have been NEGATIVE. i’m just talking about it. i’m allowed to do that. except i’m not because these opinions wouldn’t have gone over well regardless of who you thought or think i am.

you talk about white people as if you don’t even know what they are. what they are the product of. what their existence has remained contingent upon. whiteness is volatile and disgusting and dangerous because it exists in direct opposition to the humanity of people of color. i don’t really know how to convince you of that but like. it’s important to me. so i’ll share it

and anyway, i did bring up people abusing me. adrian and kelly specifically. they’re by no means the only ones in my life who have abused me. but i definitely think it’s something to consider. that isn’t weird and that’s not something i’m finna apologize for